The beginning...

I am not sure how long this blog will be here. A week, a day, a month, years? All I know is that I need to write.

I am losing another pregnancy. I feel empty and alone. I believe in an Almighty God, but right now, I cannot feel His presence ANYWHERE. I get no comfort from scripture, from songs on the radio telling me of His love and mercy.

He knows how much I wanted this baby. He knows how I prayed for that life inside me. He knows that my husband believed that He heard His voice regarding this little one.

Now, I am here, losing that life, my baby, a little each day. I need to be quiet, because my son is sleeping, but all I really want to do is scream. The tears come and go. Most interestingly, the tears are for many things, but mostly, the loss of faith that I am experiencing.

I know that God has His reasons for what happens to His children. I know that His plans are for our good, to give us hope and a future, to paraphrase Jeremiah 29:11. I know that I will never understand all of the questions that I have here on Earth. I just want to know why, for this one little thing.

Why can I not understand this? Why give me the desire of my heart and then take it from me?